fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
