The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize