hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize