oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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