5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
