So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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