every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
