Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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