You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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