Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
