You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
