How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize