I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
