i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
