WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
