I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
