I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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