Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
