Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
