So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
