dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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