I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I enjoy the company of your penis
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