HIV tests are more positive than that guy
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
