im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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