I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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