I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
