There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
