the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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