I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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