Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
