This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize