I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
