He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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