Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it was like eating out sand paper
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
