I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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