How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
