You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
