the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
