honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
