he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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