...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
