So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
