I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
