Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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