I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
