Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
