dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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