I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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