i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
