i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
