Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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