I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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