taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
