my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You ruined the universe
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
