Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
