I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize