dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
