And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
