what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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