Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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