Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
is that a dick in a sweater?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
