May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
