I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They took my balls.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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