my phone needs a breathalizer
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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