saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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