it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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