In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
smell my finger.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
