we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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